Out of the Darkness and Into the Light

You may remember this picture from our January newsletter. In that newsletter I (Barry) wrote briefly about my journey over this past year and the dark, desert-like struggle that it has been for me. I also alluded to the fact that I would talk about that in more detail in an upcoming Blog post. I first sat down to write that in March, yet I finally feel like this is the time.

These past 3 months have been incredible for me. I have been experiencing the most freedom and joy in my relationship with Jesus than what I can remember for a long time. I believe that with God's help and Christy's patience, I have finally "come out of the darkness and into the light."

A lot has been made about the difficulty for me of transitioning out of the pastorate; if you read an earlier Blog of mine, it really was like a death for me. However, to put the entirety of this dark season on that move alone would be not only a gross over statement but also something entirely inaccurate. Did the transition out of pastoral ministry contribute to the darkness? Certainly, but there was so much more to it.

In looking back now, I realize that this past dark, desert experience was not something outside of God's plan for my life, but was exactly spot-on right in the middle of it. I realize now that what God has been accomplishing in my life was something that I obviously did not allow him to accomplish while in the pastorate and probably would not have allowed him to accomplish on the ground in Central America. I realize now that only by leading me to the desert could God do the work in me that he needed to do. And I'm not just talking about getting me ready for the mission field. I'm talking about making me the kind of husband to my bride that she deserves; the kind of father to my boys that they deserve; the kind of Christ follower to the world that it needs.

You see, you can't be those things when there is unconfessed and undealt with sin in your life. You can't be who you need to be when you are at the center of your own world and seek to control everyone and everything. You can't become who Jesus needs you to become when your view of yourself isn't anything even close to Jesus' view of you. And yet that was the man I saw every time I looked in the mirror. But thanks be to God, that is no longer the man I see!

The Bible says that God disciplines those he loves and right in the middle of the desert God showed up and broke me; He broke me of me and I will never be the same. There were so many different ways that God met with me during this time (His presence, His Word, a counselor, sermon videos, worship songs, great friends, a loving wife, and the list goes on). And yet as undeserving and unworthy of it all as I was, I'm so incredibly humbled and thankful for those who continue to stand by my side.

No one ever asks for the desert; I know I didn't. Yet I stand here today to let you know that if you allow it, you can enter the desert dying, yet come out fully alive; you can enter in the darkness, yet come out in the light.